When I was ditching first period in HS a cop was in front of me at 7/11. The cashier couldn’t break his $50 so I paid for his coffee with my stuff. He thanked me, we jabbed about me being “late” To school and I noticed the tattoo on his neck and we joked about bad decisions. Two weeks later I get caught in a speed trap and who sticks his head in my window. And he went, “coffee girl!” And I went “tat neck!” And got let off with a finger shake.

I got saved during a blizzard in the Alps by a big purple cow... I was skiing in the Alps with some friends and we were off piste doing some jumps and stuff. I was at the back of the group and fell and twisted my knee (not quite) landing a jump. Managed to get myself a bit lost as a blizzard set in and I couldn't see s**t. Carefully scrabbled around on my dodgy knee for a bit and thought I was about to end up in a fair amount of trouble. Then, out of the snow appeared my purple angel. A purple shape coming out of the blizzard, which as it got closer appeared to be an upright purple cow on skis. Turns out, it was the Milka chocolate mascot, a guy dressed in a purple cow costume on skiing about the hills dishing out chocolate. He skied right up to me and said "Hey man, you ok? You want some chocolate?" He then skied back to the piste with me and took me to the nearest bar to get a beer. Guess who else is in the bar! My friends who were getting increasingly concerned that they'd lost me! Milka man dished out some more chocolate to everyone and skied off never to be seen again. Thank you purple cow angel, you saved me that day and gave me chocolate!

A friend once called the wrong number, got the wrong house, and had the right person pick up. So, I was at work, replacing a modem for my boss. I'd removed the modem and connected a telephone to test that it had dial-tone. Soon after, the phone rang. It didn't make much sense, because that phone line had only been used for outgoing calls from the computer. When I picked up, the person on the other line just said 'Hey man, you want to see a movie later?'. I recognized the voice, too. It was a friend of mine. I was really confused for a second and said something like 'Josh? How did you get this number?'. He said he called my home phone number. He must have misdialed my number, and accidentally dialed the number for my bosses modem line, at work. He called the wrong number, got the wrong house, and the right person picked up, on a phone that had only been connected for 2 minutes in the past 2 years. The odds must be astronomical. It's just a weird coincidence that I'll always remember.

So I worked for the IRS collecting taxes several years ago. I had seized someone's car and the IRS sales people were in the process of selling it. IRS procedures around some of this stuff are ancient. One of the procedures are to post a notice of sale in three public locations. So I go to the library to post a notice of sale. The person on the ground floor says that I'll have to talk to Steve on the second floor to see if it's ok for me to post the notice of sale on the bulletin board. I walk up the stairs and see a guy sitting at the desk. Me: "Are you Steve" Steve: "Who's asking? The IRS?" (In a playful manner) Me: "Yes, in fact. My name is XXXXXX....." Steve: "Jesus Christ! I've been using that joke for 20 years! I never thought anyone would ever say yes!"

Started college. Saw my brother's best friend on campus, from a distance. Hard to miss: Nate's 6'6", skinny, long brown hair. Fitting of our childish friendship, I straight up open-field tackle the guy. From behind. Blindsided. It's not Nate. I apologize, and sheepishly run away. Three hours later, a girl friend from high school introduces her new boyfriend to a group of us. It's the guy I tackled. Danny. Super nice (and forgiving) guy. We've been friends for 15 years.

I went to see some London fireworks around ten years ago - not NYE, it was the Mayor’s parade or something - and we’re all on the bridge waiting quietly for the show to bedazzle us. A tipsy fella and some tipsy ladies were singing *Be Our Guest* from *Beauty and the Beast* but got stuck on a certain bit and couldn’t remember the line… Flash back to 10yo me sitting in front of the telly watching a VHS of *Beauty and the Beast*, scribbling the lyrics for that very same song onto some paper. See, my class in school were putting on a BatB play but we didn’t have lyrics. I can’t sing for s**t but I’d valiantly offered to transcribe them, not realising the Herculean task ahead, trying to decipher some of the words. The play never happened - a shame because I’d been cast as Gaston - but the lyrics for *Be Our Guest* would forever be seared into my brain, waiting for their opportunity. One day. And fan my brow, opportunity had finally come knocking! But I was so nervous. I was sweating. Maybe even shaking. Somehow the stars aligned and the universe bestowed upon me the courage to help these these inebriated revellers who were clearly in over their heads. I waited for someone, anyone, to join in. No takers. It was now or never. Well, it was *then* or never. I prepped my dodgy French accent and started singing: *“Life is so unnerving, For a servant who’s not serving. He’s not whole without a soul to wait upon…”* It was like a film. People turned around and made way as I started shakily walking towards them. *“Ten years we have been rusting, Needing so much more than dusting! Needing exercise! A chance to use our skills! Most days we just lay around the castle…”* They turned around beaming, the dude put his arm around my shoulder and we sang the rest of that bit together: *“Flabby, fat and lazy, You walked in and oopsie-daisy!”* We high-fived, onlookers clapped, and I shakily walked back to join my mates. Once I’d come to my senses, I asked why none of them had filmed it! I’m not sure if anyone else filmed it. I remembered seeing cameras pointing at us so I hunted around YouTube for a while after that but eventually gave up. Regardless, such an opportunity may never appear again and I’m so glad I temporarily had the guts to just go for it.

I had a pet humming bird as a kid. My mom found it injured on a sidewalk and nursed it back to health. It only had one eye and no depth perception so we kept it inside. We'd let it buzz around the room, land on us, and all that jazz. My brother told his teacher about it (in 3rd grade) and the teacher actually called my mom and was like "your son has made up a crazy story and insists its real". Reality was we had a pet humming bird and that seemed crazy enough people didn't believe it.

"Me being black does not mean I am good at basketball!" I said before lazily throwing the ball backwards over my head for a 3 pointer

I was the brokest I have ever been living in the middle of nowhere. I was pulling my last 20 dollars out of a gas station ATM. I hit the button and it spit out 60 dollars. I was only charged 20 on my account. It sounds like such a tall tale but I swear it happened.

I once pulled up at a red light where a cat was sat by the side of the road. When the green man came on, the cat got up and crossed the road!

Not that I remember it personally, but I was born in a helicopter on Christmas. When I was a kid I used to say I was twins with Jesus because we came from above on the same day. I don't mention it unless someone asks because I know it sounds insane.

I once showed up to a mates house with a bacon and egg roll from maccas. He jokingly asked "did you get me one?" I did, and without saying a word I pulled it out of the bag and threw it to him, the wrapping dropped off in mid air, he caught the burger one handed, we both looked at each other in amazement, and bit straight in.

An eagle came for my face as a child. I was about 8. I ducked and it ended up grabbing my hair and taking some with it. I ran inside crying and told my mom. She didn't believe me so I never told anyone else. I'm 22.

I once checked in at a restaurant and gave the hostess my name to hold my slot, she then asked for my last name since the person below shared my first name. When I told her my last name, she looked at my like I was lying. The person below had my first and last name. She laughed and introduced us, and we took a pic. I’ve never met someone with my same first and last name since.

I peed on a bear once at 12 or 13. Some background I lived in a mountain cabin with some family aunts and cousins and stuff. The cabin was small but we had several acres so we had about 4 RV trailers for the rest of the family. 2 were my aunts 1 was for weed and the last and closest smallest was for children which was just my brother and I at the time. Anyhow it was a cold wintery day with fresh snow as I wake up having to p**s so bad I'm surprised I didn't wet the bed. Im groggy as hell and my eyes are barely open as I head to the trailer door and open it start my morning leak. I did not notice the bear less than 2 feet away so close I could've pet him if I leaned a bit forward with its head in the garbage can until I was halfway done when it moved. So of course I turned my whole body in my half asleep state in to see what moved and I finally notice a giant brown furry thing and I'm pissing all over its hind left thigh and leg as I'm wondering what it is, as the bear lifts its head and looks at me. We stare at each other for a moment as I my actions begin to dawn on me. A moment later I finish. The bear and I stared at each for several moments until I took a step back, shut our flimsy door and locked our deadbolt that would've been useless had the bear decided I insulted his honor. And I went back to bed listening and waiting until I eventually went back to sleep.

Well not so unbelievable as we’ve been married 5 years now but when I first met my wife I was in Vancouver for a student program for the summer. She was a model and crazy beautiful, I was some dirty farm kid from Saskatchewan who couldn’t flirt to save his life and had never kissed a girl or taken one on a date. So when I came back to my hometown, the way I told people about my girlfriend was: “yeah I have a girlfriend but she’s a model in Vancouver and no one here has ever met her yet. Maybe one day!” Took more than 2 years for anyone to believe me

I was driving a friend home to Indianapoilis from Holy Cross in South Bend. We got pulled over for speeding and the cop asked me "Son do you know how fast you were going?" to which I replied with a straight face and no sarcasm "Well my cruise control was set at 88 so I'm guessing somewhere in the vicinity of 88?" I've never seen such a confused look on a person's face. He proceeds to ask if I can step out of my vehicle and into his so he can talk to me while he writes me a ticket. I comply and as he's writing me up he's explaining to me how he had to do his Sherrif training in Indianapolis. He said thatt the one thing that amazed him was how fast locals drive esp on I465 and he understands why I'm conditioned to do so. Soon as he's done with the ticket he turns to me and says "So here's the deal, you're the first motorist to ever admit to me you knew you were speeding so I'm gonna cut you a break. If you can make it back to Indy without getting another ticket I won't turn this one in, but if you do you're getting 2'" I slowed down for the rest of the drive.

I was in elementary school, during recess, just kinda daydreaming and looking at some ravens flying overhead, when one of them suddenly took a nosedive... right into an open trashcan. So of course i rush over there to check it out, but the raven was just gone out of nowhere. I was not the only pne who saw it though, another kid came rushing over as well, and thats how i met my best friend for the next 4 years

I tell everyone this, I dunno if someone would think I'm lying about it though. But it's just too funny for it to be real, in my opinion. Roommate walked in and said "did you hear about Steve?" I said "unless he's dead, I don't want to hear about it." There was a moment of silence. Followed by "...Tiffany.... " Sure enough. He's dead.

My sister being bullied by a parrot calling her names

In college I was walking to class and a thunderstorm hit, but I had just gotten a girlfriend and I was in the best mood of my life so I was just getting soaked and smiling from ear to ear. A guy walked by with an umbrella, I smiled at him and said hi. He took down his umbrella and got soaked with me and we proceeded to talk about how moments like these are what makes life magical, if only we let ourselves experience them. 20 minute conversation later, the storm stopped and we went our separate ways. My new girlfriend, a cognitive science major, saw me and ran over to me. She said, “why didn’t you call me??? You know Oliver Sacks is one of my heroes!” Me: “that was Oliver Sacks?” Apparently he was a speaker that night for a neuroscience conference. He also has prosopagnosia (face blindness) so it’s possible that he thought we knew each other when I said hi.

i tripped and fell at the same corner outside subway 3 different times years apart and the same guy tried to catch me every single time.

Saw a chicken walking along a road, cross to the other side, and keep walking same direction. Just like the joke

Short one, yet true nonetheless. Having a hectic day once, running errands I didn’t enjoy. Grocery shopping, quick Home Depot visit, going to bank etc etc. I forgot an item I needed at home for bank teller so I drive back irritated, driving fast, trying to make it back to bank before closing time. As I turn into my apartment’s parking lot there I notice ahead of me a squirrel. I hit my breaks to let the squirrel run by, but he’s just sitting there, nibbling on something. As I slowly drive closer I notice this squirrel is not only nibbling on fries, but he’s imitating dipping a single fry into a crushed and empty ketchup packet. I looked around to see if anyone was seeing what I was seeing. I couldn’t believe it. This m**o was dipping a fry in ketchup. A squirrel. I didn’t take a picture because my phone was dead. PrOoF Or It DiDn’T hApPeN — I know, I know. But, I think about this memory once a month or so and it’s been two years. No one ever believes me. A Big foot sighting would have been more plausible. Sometimes I think the fry eating squirrel was a form of deity or god, reminding me to slow the eff down in life. Who knows.

Before my husband and I were married, but had been dating for a long while, I was watching Portlandia and BAM there’s my husband on screen. Dumbfounded I called him and he casually said “oh yeah I forgot about that”.

Was contract programming, dropping into the office every Friday. The assistant QA dude was there to take my work; "Who died and left you in charge?" -- "Jeff died two days ago." :-o

This was a couple years ago but I pulled up to a stop light, and another vehicle in the next lane also comes to a stop. The car is filled with what looks like high school kids. The kid in the passenger seat notices me, taps on his window and starts doing the universal sign for rock, paper, scissors. I look at the light (which is still red) and immediately think f**k it and play along so we start. 1..2..3..shoot and we tie.1..2..3..shoot, we tie again. This keeps happening. All the young kids in the other car are involved and are screaming like "WOOOOOAAH" everytime we tie. We literally got off like 15 rounds of rock, paper, scissors and tied every single time until the light turned green. I'm still high from that and hope all those guys are doing well.

Got stuck in a bank for the night. When the bank is closed, you can still get to the ATM thanks to a security door. Once inside the door decided to stop working. No phone, no emergency button. Just waited here for hours till someone in the street saw me trough the glass and called someone

I once threw a ball for my dog and it landed on his head, rolled perfectly down his spine and off his tail.

I was playing basketball in the park with my mom. Neither of us were very athletic, we were just having fun. There was some kid hanging around us and we weren’t trying to be rude so we let him. After a few minutes of some of the worst questions I’ve ever heard, he asked me if I could throw the ball at the basket backwards. I said sure. See, had he asked if I could make it backwards I woulda said no, but he only asked if I could throw it backwards, which I could. My mom knew what I was doing, hell I picked up so much from her growing up it was probably her idea before I said anything. I took a half hearted peak at the basket, turned around, no warm up, just let that ball fly. I turned back around to watch the obvious miss. I started to say, “See, I threw it at the basket,” but all I gout outta my mouth was, “See-“ And then the ball went in. Swish. Nothing but net. Backboard? That thing never even hit the rim. I don’t have the Will to keep a straight face if I looked at the kid. I looked my mom and said “just like that.” She was almost as surprised as I was That kid told me he didn’t think I could do it again. Mamma beat me to it this time and said, “ I think it’s your turn” He left us alone soon after

I went to see Mitch Hedberg do stand up. We stayed around awhile hoping to see him leaving. He never materialized though, so my husband and I walked towards our car. As we were walking we heard a woman yell from an ally “Hey! Mitch Hedberg is back here signing autographs!” We walked around the corner behind a scary old building. It was like 1am and pretty dark. There was Mitch Hedberg and no other fans. Just him and his wife, who had been the one to yell about autographs. He was very high and super lovey. He hugged my husband and me and told us what his fans mean to him. HE took pictures of US for his scrapbook page online. He was also hilarious. We were just there behind a building at 1am with Mitch Hedberg and his wife laughing and hugging deep into the wee hours… When I tell people this they go silent and I’m not sure why. I figure they don’t believe it.

I got stung by a platypus.

I was walking on a hiking/biking trail when a woman rode past me on her bicycle. I yelled out, “keep the pedal to the metal.” Not two seconds later I hear an awful metallic noise and turn to see the poor woman’s pedal mechanism had fallen apart. She told me, “you shouldn’t have said that!” I apologized profusely and asked if she needed any help. Naturally she didn’t…not from me anyway.

Back in middle school I was walking back to class after lunch when someone chucked something down the hallway as hard as they could. My natural instinct was to jump up and catch it. It was a perfect catch and not a single person saw. It was a mozzarella stick.

I was playing 8-ball at a bar one night (I'm not very good just play for fun). I'm on a slight winning streak. My next opponent racks them, and I break. 8 ball goes in on the break so it's an automatic win! Dude refuses to leave the table, continues to put quarters in and racks again. I'm like dude u lost .. there's like 8 people in line to play next. He's drunk and being stubborn and won't leave. So I break again.. and the 8 ball drops again.. dude walks away without saying a word

I'm a police dispatcher. You won't believe this, but one time some nutcase called and tried to make us arrest some kid cus they didn't want to help him catch his dog or something

I moved to a new city and figured I would go for a drive, get the lay of the land. At a stop sign trying to turn right, lookong left at traffic. See my chance and turn right without looking. A pedestrian was crossing in front of me and I hit him, not super hard but hard enough for him to kind of roll up on my hood. He got off and stood up. I rolled my window down and apologized but he was kind of like Eric Idle in National Lampoon's European Vacation. He kept apologizing, saying it was his fault, just a flesh wound, etc. I decided my sightseeing tour should come to an end after running someone down in the street. I got a little turned around before finding my bearings. I was headed up a hill toward my new place and didn't realize my lane was ending. I didn't see the car in my blind spot and totally cut them off and our cars very lightly bumped. Immediately stopped next to the car I hit at a red light. The driver was the pedestrian I ran over 20 minutes ago 5 miles away. Again he was disturbingly polite, apologized to me, and did not want to exchange insurance info (there was no damage).

It's not really funny but I shot a hole in one while golfing by myself when I was 16. It wasn't one of those beautiful arching shots, no. It was a worm burner that I thought ended up in a little stream behind the hole because it appeared to disappear off the back of the green. Looked for 20 minutes before just walking by the hole.